## The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Goop Directory of Juvenile Offenders Famous for their Misdeeds and Serving as a Salutary Example for all Virtuous Children

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Title: The Goop Directory of Juvenile Offenders Famous for their Misdeeds and Serving as a Salutary Example for all Virtuous Children

Author: Gelett Burgess

Release date: July 28, 2004 [eBook #13035]
Most recently updated: October 28, 2024

Language: English

Credits: Produced by David Newman.

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE GOOP DIRECTORY OF JUVENILE OFFENDERS FAMOUS FOR THEIR MISDEEDS AND SERVING AS A SALUTARY EXAMPLE FOR ALL VIRTUOUS CHILDREN ***

# THE GOOP DIRECTORY

### OF

### Juvenile Offenders Famous for their Misdeeds and Serving as a Salutary Example for all Virtuous Children

### with Pictures by

## GELETT BURGESS

Author of "Goops," "The Lively City o' Ligg," etc.

1913

## INDEX

Argyll, Marmaduke | Talking While Eating
Beal, Nancy | Throwing Away Things
Bildad, Master | Selfish With Toys
Bingg, Percy | In the Way
Birch, Betsy | Talking in Church
Boing, Levi | Going Carelessly
Call, Mary C. C. | Crying Continually
Coralie, Little | Getting Feet Wet
Crossett, Andrew | Playing With Faucet
Day, Annabella | Obeying Slowly
De Witt, Gwendolyn De V. | Sulking
Elfinstone, Adolphus | Playing With Matches
Fish, Amanda | Stealing Sweets
Fisher, Frederick | Not Eating Crusts
Hecht, Ezra | Not Minding Mother
Hopper, Midget and Bridget | Restless While Dressing
James, Amanda M. | Calling Names
Klein, Susie | Whining
Lees, Roberto | Teasing animals
LeGrand, Annie A. | Lying and Fibbing
Mackadoo, Miss | Not answering
McClung, Isabel | Sticking out Tongue
McGiff, Alexander B. | Not Wiping Nose
McGuff, Elias E. | Rough and Rude
McKim, Solomon | Scuffing Feet
Pell, John D. | Ordering People
Pound, Esau | Leaving Things Around
Puddingfoot, Eliza | Cheating at Play
Pratt, Amelia | Saying "I Won't"
Ray, Jumbo | Snatching Toys
Riff, Annie F. R. | Snuffling and Sniffling
Ropps, Felicia | Handling Things
Sloop, Percival B. | Acting Uncleanly
Smalt, Susie | Blaming Others
Sprooks, Sperry | Tearing Books
Stead, Uriah | Not Going to Bed
Trood, Rosie L. V. | Playing With Food

## INTRODUCTION

    In this DIRECTORY you'll see
    Just what you never ought to be;
    And so, it should Direct your way
    To Good Behavior, every day.
    The children of whose faults I tell
    Are known by other names, as well,
    So see that you aren't in this group
    Of Naughty Ones. Don't be a Goop!

## MARMADUKE ARGYLL

Talking while Eating

    A Goop that always
        makes me smile
    Is this one:
        Marmaduke Argyll.
    His mouth is full
        from cheek to cheek,
    Why should he then
        attempt to speak?
    It makes me smile,
        but still, the fact is,
    It is a most
        unpleasant practice.

## NANCY BEAL

Throwing Away Things

    On the sidewalk
        Nancy Beal
    Throws her old
        banana peel;
    Throws her apple
        skin and cores,
    Right in front
        of people's doors!
    Isn't that a
        shocking trick?
    Ask that Goop
        to stop it, quick!

## MASTER BILDAD

Selfish With Toys

    A puppy, when he
        gets a bone,
    Will keep it for
        himself alone.
    So Bildad would not
        share his toys
    Or lend them to
        the other boys.
    He was a Goop;
        and so are you
    If you are ever
        selfish, too!

## PERCY BINGG

In the Way

    Percy Bingg,
        when he's at play,
    Is almost always
        in the way;
    In the room,
        or in the street,
    Always under
        people's feet!
    Goops like that
        annoy me so!
    You keep out
        the way, I know!

## BETSY BIRCH

Talking in Church

    Look at little
        Betsy Birch,
    Always whispering
        in church!
    Always playing
        with the books,
    Never caring
        how she looks!
    Never knowing
        Goops like her
    Ought to neither
        talk nor stir!

## LEVI BOING

Going Carelessly

    Are you a Goop,
        like Levi Boing?
    He never looks
        where he is going;
    He's always bumping
        into chairs,
    And stumbling, when
        he goes upstairs;
    He tips things over,
        bumps his nose.
    He can't be careful,
        I suppose!

## MARY C. C. CALL

Crying Continually

    Mary Carey
        Cory Call—
    Hear her cry and
        hear her bawl!
    Hear her groan!
        Hear her growl!
    Hear her moan!—
        Hear her howl!
    She's the goopiest
        Goop of all,
    Mary Carey
        Cory Call!

## LITTLE CORALIE

Getting Feet Wet

    Though Coralie
        was small and sweet,
    She always, always
        had wet feet.
    She liked to walk
        through puddles; so,
    She always had
        a cold, you know.
    But as you aren't
        a Goop, you try
    To keep your tootsies
        warm and dry.

## ANDREW CROSSETT

Playing With Faucet

    Have you heard how
        Andrew Crossett
    Meddled with the
        water-faucet?
    Letting water
        flood the sink?
    Andrew was
        a Goop, I think;
    Otherwise he
        would have known
    He should let
        such things alone!

## ANNABELLA DAY

Obeying Slowly

    How slow is
        Annabella Day!
    She's so reluctant
        to obey!
    She acts so sluggish
        and so sickly!
    Oh, Anna, why not
        do it quickly?
    Oh, Anna, do be
        prompt, and then,
    No one will call
        you "Goop" again!

## GWENDOLYN De V. De WITT

Sulking

    Miss Gwendolyn
        De Vere De Witt
    Is having such
        a sulky fit!
    Because she couldn't
        have her way
    With other children
        at their play.
    A sulky Goop
        I really call
    As bad as those
        who cry and bawl.

## ADOLPHUS ELFINSTONE

Playing With Matches

    Adolphus Elfinstone,
        of Nachez,
    Thought it was fun
        to play with matches
    Until the little Goop
        had learned
    It hurt a lot
        when he got burned!
    A little fire
        is queer and curious;
    But soon it grows
        quite big and furious.

## AMANDA FISH

Stealing Sweets

    If there's sugar
        in the dish,
    Who will take it?
        Mandy Fish?
    If there is a
        box of candy,
    Just look out
        for little Mandy!
    She goops the fruit,
        and leaves the peeling—
    She calls it fun;
        I call it stealing!

## FREDERICK FISHER

Not Eating Crusts

    Freddie Fisher
        fairly fussed
    When he came
        to eat his crust!
    Often on the floor
        he'd throw it,
    Hoping mother
        wouldn't know it!
    Goops all hate
        to eat the crust;
    If you're told to,
        then you must!

## EZRA HECHT

Not Minding Mother

    What in the world
        would you expect
    Of a Goop whose name
        was Ezra Hecht?
    Of course he would
        refuse to heed
    Or mind his mother—
        yes indeed!
    Of course he would.
        Of course he did.
    But you must do
        what you are bid.

## M. AND B. HOPPER

Restless While Dressing

    Mother always
        is distressed
    If you fidget
        when you're dressed.
    If you fidget
        like Miss Midget,
    Hopper, or her
        sister Bridget.
    Goops like that
        are so much bother,
    That they ought to
        dress each other!

## AMANDA M. JAMES

Calling Names

    Amanda Minnesinger
        James
    She called her sister
        horrid names!
    She called her brother
        names, as well,
    So bad I wouldn't
        dare to tell!
    It's shocking how
        a Goop will act!
    They have no manners,
        that's a fact.

## SUSIE KLEIN

Whining

    When e'er I hear
        a puppy whine,
    I always think
        of Susie Klein;
    I think of how
        she hangs her head,
    She doesn't speak—
        she whines, instead!
    Don't whine! If you
        don't speak right out,
    You are a Goop,
        without a doubt!

## ROBERTO LEES

Teasing animals

    How thoughtless was
        Roberto Lees!
    (For only thoughtless
        children tease).
    He teased the little
        pussy cat,
    He teased the puppy!
        Think of that!
    He even teased
        his sister, too!
    I think he was
        a Goop—don't you?

## ANNIE A. LeGRAND

Lying and Fibbing

    The queerest Goop
        in all the land
    Was Annie Annabelle
        LeGrand;
    She often said
        what wasn't true—
    Which is an awful
        thing to do!
    But we are honest,
        you and I,
    We think it's wrong
        to tell a lie!

## MISS MACKADOO

Not answering

    This is a Goop—
        Miss Mackadoo;
    She never speaks
        when spoken to.
    When spoken to,
        she turns her eyes,
    And never answers
        or replies.
    She hangs her head
        and sucks her thumb—
    You'd think that she
        was deaf and dumb!

## ISABEL McCLUNG

Sticking out Tongue

    Do you ever
        stick your tongue
    Out, like
        Isabel McClung?
    No one but
        a Goop would show
    Rudeness such as that,
        I know!
    If you're good,
        take my advice;
    Please don't do it!
        'Tisn't nice.

## ALEXANDER B. McGIFF

Not Wiping Nose

    Young Alexander
        B. McGiff
    Each day had a
        clean handkerchief.
    In spite of this,
        if you'll believe,
    He wiped his nose
        upon his sleeve!
    Nobody but a Goop
        would do it;
    His mother'd scold him,
        if she knew it.

## ELIAS E. McGUFF

Rough and Rude

    Elias Ethelbert
        McGuff,
    Oh, he was rude
        and he was rough!
    He used to pinch,
        he used to poke,
    And called his rudeness
        just a joke.
    What made him plague
        his playmates so?
    He was a Goop
        and didn't know!

## SOLOMON McKIM

Scuffing Feet

    I wonder if
        you ever meet
    The Goop who always
        scuffs his feet?
    He makes them drag
        along the floor
    As if they weighed
        a ton or more.
    Just think of
        Solomon McKim,
    And don't be slovenly
        like him!

## JOHN D. PELL

Ordering People

    When John D. Pell
        wants something done,
    D'you think he asks
        of anyone?
    Oh, no! He orders
        someone to,
    With "Get my hat!"
        or, "Tie my shoe!"
    The Goops all say
        rude things like these,
    But you, of course,
        say, "If you please!"

## ESAU POUND

Leaving Things Around

    When you're finished
        with your play,
    Do you put
        your toys away?
    Do you put
        away your hat,
    And your coat,
        and things like that?
    Or, are you
        like Esau Pound?
    He's the Goop
        who leaves things 'round!

## ELIZA PUDDINGFOOT

Cheating at Play

    If you should ask
        why Rosamund
    Eliza Puddingfoot
        was shunned,
    I'd say, because
        she'd always cheat
    In every game,
        so she could beat.
    Only a Goop
        would act that way
    And be dishonest
        in her play.

## AMELIA PRATT

Saying "I Won't"

    "I won't!" says young
        Amelia Pratt;
    "I won't do this!"
        "I won't do that!"
    Now isn't "won't"
        the naughtiest word
    That anyone
        has ever heard?
    Now isn't that
        the rudest way
    A Goop could answer?
        I should say!

## JUMBO RAY

Snatching Toys

    No children ever
        like to play
    With such a Goop
        as Jumbo Ray.
    For he will snatch
        and grab the toys
    Of all the little
        girls and boys.
    Though Jumbo loves
        to fuss and fight,
    You know, of course,
        it isn't right.

## ANNIE F. R. RIFF

Snuffling and Sniffling

    Annie Fanny
        Ruffle Riff;
    Hear her snuffle!
        Hear her sniff!
    Hear her sniffle!
        Hear her snuff!—
    See her—well,
        I've said enough.
    You have seen her,
        I suppose,
    The Goop who seldom
        blows her nose?

## FELICIA ROPPS

Handling Things

    Funny, how
        Felicia Ropps
    Always handles
        things in shops!
    Always pinching,
        always poking,
    Alwyas feeling,
        always stroking
    Things she has
        no right to touch!
    Goops like that
        annoy me much!

## PERCIVAL B. SLOOP

Acting Uncleanly

    Just look at
        Percival B. Sloop,
    A most unpleasant
        sort of Goop;
    He pokes his fingers
        in his nose
    And wipes his hands
        upon his clothes;
    He does a lot
        of things that you,
    I know, would never,
        never do!

## SUSIE SMALT

Blaming Others

    "Oh," says little
        Susie Smalt,
    "It is someone
        else's fault!"
    "She began it!"
        "She's to blame!"
    "She's the one that
        spoiled the game!"
    So Goops always
        blame each other;
    Do you own up
        your fault to Mother?

## SPERRY SPROOKS

Tearing Books

    Have you ever
        chanced to look
    At a torn and
        dirty book?
    At a book that's
        ragged, soiled,
    Inked and finger-
        marked and spoiled?
    Who has done it?
        Sperry Sprooks!
    He's the Goop
        that spoils the books!

## URIAH STEAD

Not Going to Bed

    I never saw
        Uriah Stead
    When he was glad
        to go to bed.
    There always was
        one thing to do
    Before he could
        take off a shoe!
    The little Goop
        was always late;
    I hope you don't
        pro-cras-ti-nate!

## ROSIE L. V. TROOD

Playing With Food

    Rosie Lily
        Violet Trood,
    Always messes
        with her food;
    Always plays with
        her potatoes,
    Meat and gravy
        and tomatoes!
    Callers, who are
        asked to dine,
    Knowing she's
        a Goop, decline!

*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE GOOP DIRECTORY OF JUVENILE OFFENDERS FAMOUS FOR THEIR MISDEEDS AND SERVING AS A SALUTARY EXAMPLE FOR ALL VIRTUOUS CHILDREN ***
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